So, last Saturday morning my sweet 2 year old dropped a huge jug of water all over the floor and I burst into tears! Yep, really. Why did a generally sane woman burst into tears over spilled water? Overwhelm. It wasn’t the mess, it was me. I was agitated, worried and overwhelmed and instead of noticing and handling my emotions I let them build up until some spilled water pushed me right over the edge.
Sound familiar? Do you ever lose it at the smallest thing? Something so insignificant you feel silly just admitting you lost it over that? Or mad that you lost it over something so small? Was it really that or was the small thing just what tipped the already overburdened scales?
How do you stop it before it even goes that far? That’s what I’m about to tell you.
So what was I so upset about? I asked myself. I’ve learned if I acknowledge what’s going on then I can do something about it. So I made a list in my head (hint: writing it out can be even better):
A small portion of what I was overwhelmed about:
-I was feeling very sick and tired and frustrated that I was sick and tired.
-I was concerned that a task I had asked my husband for help with was bigger than I realized and was going to take him the whole day (so mix some guilt in with that).
-I was worrying about my kids and their needs and making a “perfect” Saturday for them.
Often we think if we identify what it is we’ll feel more overwhelmed or simply wallow in it. NO! We identify what it is so we can handle it-quickly and effectively.
How?
Step 1 Identify
Step 2 Evaluate
Step 3 Act
So here’s what it looked like for me:
Step 1-Identify that I was feeling very sick and tired was frustrated I was sick.
Step 2- Evaluate my choices: keep pushing through until I get sicker and am forced to bed OR take care of myself so I feel better faster (for me this meant essential oils and a nap)
Step 3- Act. I let the family know I didn’t feel well and took a nap after lunch (woke up feeling great BTW)
The next one:
Step 1- Identify I was concerned that a task I had asked my husband for help with was bigger than I realized and was going to take him the whole day (so mix some guilt in with that).
Step 2- Evaluate my choices: stew over something I no longer had control over OR admit that this was no longer my business. I had asked him for help, clearly explaining what I needed and what it would take. He happily agreed to do it so my worrying and feeling guilty for “asking too much” was pointless. It was his responsibility now and if it was too much he’s a big boy and can say so and we can reevaluate.
Step 3- Act. I let it go and simply appreciated his service to me.
Next:
Step 1-Identify I was worrying about my kids and their needs and making a “perfect” Saturday for them.
Step 2- Evaluate my choices: Again not my responsibility. I am not responsible for if my kids have a “perfect” day. I can try to own and control their happiness OR I can communicate with them and support their owning their happiness.
Step 3- Act. Rather than trying to guess what they needed/wanted and try to meet everyone’s needs I simply asked what they wanted from the day. Turned out the answer was relaxing and friend time. Wow, that went great with my needing a nap. Problem solved.
Most “worries” and “concerns” fit into two categories:
1-It’s your responsibility so consider solutions and timing and handle it.
2- It’s not your responsibility so let it go. Meaning it’s someone else’s responsibility so let them handle it. Life’s too short to try controlling and handling other people’s stuff.
Remembering those 3 little steps is what keeps me from being thrown over the emotional edge when random, everyday trials happen or helps me get back in control when I do go headlong over the edge. Knowing those 3 steps means next time that adorable 2yo drops water all over my hardwood floor I will be prepared. No more crying over spilled milk for me (well, spilled water…)
So the next time you are feeling overwhelmed or stressed…try it!
3 steps, 2 categories, 1 joyful you!
Mindy Heath teaches principles and tools like this one to women and couples in her coaching programs. If you are ready to stop surviving and start thriving in all areas of your life schedule a free mini mentoring session to get clear about how to have more peace, joy and connection in your life!
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