Have you ever been so concerned over a “what if…?” that you became paralyzed and did nothing? Of course you have, we all have! In fact for many what I call the “What If” Monster controls their lives and they don’t even realize it.
What if I get sick? What if I can’t pay the bills? What if I we get divorced? What if my kids stray? And on and on. Does “what if” control YOUR life? So how can you tame it, FAST?!
Often we fear the worst and think we must act or control or fix things immediately so “the worst” doesn’t happen but if we’ll stop and consider “the worst” for one moment often we realize that it’s not as scary as we imagined.
Let me share a powerful example with you. You may even see ways “what if” might be hurting you.
I was speaking with a woman recently who was frustrated, hopeless and heartbroken. She is a loving mom and has done her best with her kids, but despite her best efforts she has one child that the relationship has diminished to almost constant contention. Her son is 20 and is still living at home. There are a few things she’s chosen to provide for him because being on the family plan is more economical for him, like car insurance and a cell phone. The agreement is that her son is supposed to pay her back, but he isn’t. This is causing ongoing friction, nagging, excuses, blah. It’s really hurting their relationship and causing tension in the home overall. Frustrating. So I asked, what if you don’t provide car insurance and he has to get his own? She was very agitated. That did not even seem to be an option. Her response was that her son might not get any insurance and that would be so horrible, what if he got in an accident? So I replied, what if he did?
That stopped her. What if he did? The possibilities we came up with were he would get ticketed, and possibly fined, maybe even lose his license. I stated that those of us who are responsible and have insurance all have uninsured motorist coverage for those who are less responsible. I guess maybe he could hurt someone and end up in prison, but that could happen even if he had insurance.
So suddenly everything shifted! Before she answered “what if” she felt her only choice was to keep providing the services and hope he’d change.
Once she answered “what if” she had
POWER and CHOICES!
In this instance her choices were to keep having ongoing trauma with him while she tries to force him to be responsible when he has no desire to be OR let him have his own consequences that when looked at really weren’t that bad, i.e. a ticket and/or fines?
Previously she was so scared of an unidentified “what if “ it’d been plaguing her for months. Suddenly when she looked at really “what if” it wasn’t so bad, all the emotion was diffused and she had power to disengage and choose her own sanity and well being. As she disengages from trying to force and control her son their relationship will also improve, even if he still chooses to be irresponsible she does not have to feel responsible for it. What a relief.
SERIOUSLY IT’S THAT SIMPLE! Just answering the question of “what if” gets us through the fear to power and choices!
I love how Mark Twain put it:
“I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.”
Most “what if’s” never even happen, yet many of us suffer everyday in fear of them. Sounds crazy when we see it that way, doesn’t it?
STOP giving away your power!
Now on the completely opposite side of the spectrum…
You stopped being afraid, or angry, or hurt?
You lived the life of your dreams?
You hugged your children more?
Or told you husband just how much you adored him and couldn’t live without him?
What if you gave yourself permission to BE YOU?
What if you leapt and found out you really could FLY?
Because you can! You were created to soar and thrive and change the world! Start with you. Discover who you are and BE YOU!
