Have you ever had an experience that changed everything in you? Ironically two days after writing my post “Is it all in your head?” I learned exactly how much it really is. I learned a HUGE lesson about myself and well, it may just apply to you too. If it does, I hope this helps.
Mark Twain once said,
So I’ve noticed that I’ve developed some fears as I’ve gotten older. Fear of flying, heights, irrational things that I can’t explain and never bothered me before I had kids. I’ve mentioned it to other women who say they have developed similar fears.
I also have a personal mantra to be unafraid! So if I find I am scared of something I intentionally do it so that I can conquer the fear.
That led me to the top of the ski jumps at the Utah Olympic park on July 4th. I am scared of zip lines and my sweet husband and I have an upcoming trip where we want to take an excursion that includes 11 zip lines. So of course I needed to go off one and overcome my fear. Also I never want my kids to not do something out of fear and my two oldest had already done the zip line. I did not want to chicken out.
I was actually doing fine. All the way to the park, buying the tickets, up the ski lift where I did start praying and repeating to myself how courageous I am. But then I got to the top of “the steepest zip line in the world” that goes “50 miles per hour”. Yep I panicked! Oddly my legs would only walk away from the zip line, not toward it. For 10 minutes I paced and debated. Was I really going to do it? Did I really have to? We could choose other excursions on our upcoming trip. I didn’t actually have to go through with it. But what example would that set for my kids? And how would I feel about myself?
Now being that I am incredibly introspective I had to also look at what I was scared of. Was it heights? Falling? Death? The cold, vulnerable truth…no, it was control. I don’t like to feel like I don’t have control over my life. And if I get strapped into that harness they are going to open the gate and I am going to fly down the mountain whether I like it or not. There’s nothing I can do about it. (Hey I didn’t say my fear was logical! What fear ever is?) My fear is lack of control. Wow, so what does that say as a metaphor for my life? So again back to my mantra…unafraid, no fear. I want to live a life devoted to and led by God and I don’t believe I can do that unless I relinquish control.
So back to the zip line. There I am debating. What was I going to do? Finally several other people arrived for a turn and if I kept debating I was going to be stuck in line for a long time. So I moved forward, then halted 3 feet shy of the harness, slowly baby stepped over, sat down, let them strap me in and then the most amazing thing happened!
ALL THE FEAR WENT AWAY!!!!
Seriously, I was completely calm, they opened the gate and I soared down the mountain.
Guess what?! It was rather calm and unexciting. Seriously! No butterflies, no stomach drop, it even felt quite slow. All that drama and fear for nothing.
Einstein calls it the other side of complexity.
In reality, most of the fear, anxiety, drama, etc. is in deciding what we are going to do. Deciding or “getting to the other side” can be the hardest part. Pres. Monson talks about “taking a step or two into the darkness [or unknown]” before we see the path. Often the hardest part is deciding and committing, yet once we do, all the Heavenly help we need is there.
So I got off the zip line and said to my husband, “That was no big deal. The hardest part was my drama.” Oops! There you have it. Self incrimination! All the chaos in my head was the worst part. How much of my life did that apply to? How much of your life does it apply to?
Like Mark Twain, I too “ have been through some terrible things in my life”, yet most of them never actually happened. And the worst of them were just all in my head. Even the ones that did happen were often made worse by my perception or meaning I attached to them. How do I know? Time and the tender mercy of the Lord have shown me how each and every one was really a blessing in disguise.
So I for one commit to less drama and more relinquishing control and enjoying the ride!
Oh, and one more thing I learned, after I got to the bottom, I got back on the chair lift with my 11 year old daughter. I looked over and saw she was rigid with fear. She’d never told me she was scared of chairlifts and heights (which now explained why she would not snow ski with us). I talked to her a little and she said a prayer and calmed down. She rode the lift, then the alpine slide (which she was also scared of). She then climbed 30 feet in the air for a high adventure ropes course. The only thing between her and the ground was a harness and clasp. At one point about half way through she panicked and froze for about five minutes. Then suddenly she went forward again, completing the course! Huge, HUGE victories for a young girl who previously let fear stop her, often. I am an extremely proud mama! She is an extremely powerful girl and now she knows it. Later that night the Spirit whispered something to me. “What if you had given in to your fear? What effect would it have had on her?”
Mindy Heath teaches principles and tools like this one to women and couples in her coaching programs. If you are ready to stop surviving and start thriving in all areas of your life schedule a free mini mentoring session to get clear about how to have more peace, joy and connection in your life!
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